Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
