do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
