hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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