What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize