PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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