i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
