There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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