I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
They are going to name an STD after you.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize