and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
