Kareoke will never be a sober sport
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
