Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
