The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize