Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
