cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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