who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Randomize
