I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
