I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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