I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
