I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
