i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
