can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
