Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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