my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
