I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Operation Purity has been aborted
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize