if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize