Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
