Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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