Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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