I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
