My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well I just put wine in my tea
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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