youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
