How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
