Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Did I show you my penis last night?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
