Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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