Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
