Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
