how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize