you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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