perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
