3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
