toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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