I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
