no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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