That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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