Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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