There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
