How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Randomize
