Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We need a shit load of segways right now
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
