Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
