did you get engaged???
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
