great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we're making bets on your personal life
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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