My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize