I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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