he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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