I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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