we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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