Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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