I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
