I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
