Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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