is your mom at the bar?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
