the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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