I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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