My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
