I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
