what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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