How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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