very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
