Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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